My Final Question

300-word story:  It's only natural to question your actions when there's no turning back.

If you're reading this, I'm already dead. Quite the cliché, yet no less true. This letter isn't intended for anyone in particular, but whoever you are, I hope that it will help you to understand why people do what I have done.

I won't share my life story because what would be the point? Suicide is an act that's committed by celebrities and nobodies alike. It doesn’t matter if you're healthy, wealthy and widely adored, there's just something inside your head that says you shouldn't be here, your very presence is unnatural, and that you no longer belong. That's the case with me, and that's why I'm taking matters into my own hands.

There's a lot of stigma surrounding self-murder, as some consider it a cowardly or selfish act. In truth, I believe that my emotional agony will never fade, unlike the grief about to be inflicted on those closest to me. It's a case of balancing the numbers, even if it means having to hurt and abandon those I love.

I don't think that the world will be better without me. It isn't about changing the world at all, it's about ending my role within it. A drastic solution and yet so complete, so utterly unambiguous, so beautiful in its finality.

And now here I am. The overdose of painkillers is deep within my system and I estimate I have an hour left, most likely less. I'm spending these last moments thinking about my parents, my friends, even people I haven't seen in years. Soon there'll be no more memories, no more thoughts, no more me at all. In the meantime, I have to confront an age-old question, one that brings uncertainty and regret when there's no turning back.

Two simple words that suggest countless impossible paths.

"What if?"

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Copyright © 2020 Rich Sutherland
​Image: Mathew Schwartz

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